On Plans...

I have never been without a plan...  Even when I was young, I had it all planned out.  When I was 10 and wanted to be a doctor, I knew what it would take and some of the universities I might attend.  When I was 13 and wanted to teach math, again, I knew what I needed to do and where I might like to go.  And then, once I settled on music, I had my life planned out for the knowable future.  And each time, with those plans complete, I made new ones...

But, here I sit, without a plan in the world for our return to the US.  I know two things - I am to go wherever Bart says we are to go, and I am to help him and Eden transition back to life in the US...  For a girl who knew what she needed to do to become a doctor at 10, to now be 41 have no clue what to do, it feels scary, might I even say terrifying.  

But, I also think this is part of this journey for me; part of discovering the joy that is to be had only in fully leaning into my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I am currently working on a small study of the book of Psalms from She Reads Truth. The study of Psalm 27 really struck me.  Several verses leapt out and have remained on my mind throughout this week, especially verses 13 and 14:
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​I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!  Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

First, my heart leaps to read, "I SHALL look upon the goodness of the Lord..." (emphasis mine).  God desires for me to see and know His goodness; not uncertainty, nor pain, nor sorrow, nor calamity, but GOODNESS. And then he says, "WAIT ​for the Lord...let your heart take courage; (and in case I missed it before,) WAIT for the Lord!" (again, emphasis mine).  

​David, possibly, wrote this as a reminder to himself.  A reminder that the goodness of the Lord will come to his life but only when he waits on the Lord.  David was so emphatic in the importance of the waiting, he repeated the phrase and ended it with an exclamation point.  Matthew Henry, in his Commentary on the Whole Bible, says this: "this is that which encourages [David]: He [God] shall strengthen thy heart, shall sustain thy spirit, and then the spirit shall sustain the infirmity."  It encourages me as well.  

​Whether the land of the living is somewhere here earth-side, or not until heaven, God's goodness awaits me.  And in waiting on the Lord, having faith in who He is, I will be strengthened and my heart will be given the courage it needs to wait.  

So, as I wait for this unknown future, I have hope and can take courage that there is joy to be found. Hope not in the answers my flesh so desperately desires, but in pressing in to Him who holds my future in His hands.  

And I can completely trust that once I know what He has for me it will be good because Jesus is good and He promises to work all things for my good according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).  ​

And, lest you think I have this all figured out, I don't.  On a daily basis, sometimes a moment by moment basis, I am struggling to believe it.  My mind runs around and wants to think up all the possible scenarios of what is to come.  If I don't consciously choose to press into the greatness and goodness of who Jesus is and that He holds it all - me, my family, my past, present, and future, the good, the bad, and the ugly - I feel like I am going to lose my mind.  I know God is growing my faith but I have to have an active part in it by choosing Him over it all, especially my crazy thoughts.  

​I pray friends, that together, we can wait, with hope and joy, for whatever the goodness of the Lord has for us.  I would certainly appreciate your prayers and would love to be praying for you as well!  Drop me a comment or a message about what you're waiting for and I will be praying for you.  In the mean time, may we be faithful to press into who Jesus is and all He, in himself alone, has to offer us.  

​~heather